Anticiapation

Well, today I went to church with my family as I usually do on Sunday.  We had communion today. I have been attending churches over the last 14 years that celebrated communion much more frequently than this church, so I was really happy that we got to be there today. Don;t get me wrong, I love my new church a lot.

While worshiping lately, I realize that I could see my Lord sooner than I expected. It's kinda weird to think about that. I guess, really, that has always been true though. Anyone can die at any time. I just have never looked at the thought of death from this point of view. Of course, I don;t even have a DX yet and I am not giving up.

I finally have an appointment tomorrow with Dr. Bala. He is the PH specialist. I have heard he is very nice and knows about this disease. I will be in good competent and compassionate hands. My dear husband is going with me.  I am very nervous about this appointment. I am always nervous to go to the doctors, especially a new doctor. And there are so many unknowns with this appointment. What is he going to do to me tomorrow? And how the heck am I going to pay for all the tests?  Thankfully, I should be able to get help from the drug companies or whoever for help with paying for the meds. they are VERY VERY expensive. I am talking like hundreds of thousands of dollars per year.

I guess one reason I get nervous about going to the doctors is I am always worried they will say I am faking. At this point, I wonder if I am just so terribly out of shape and that is why I get so out of breath with such little activity.  I am ready for answers and a plan.